Stress on Family Life

 This week I learned a lot of things about stressful situations and how stress and anxiety can influence family structures. Most people in life like to take the easy way and get through life with as little stress as possible. But this easy life doesn’t actually bring the intended result, it doesn't bring happiness. In life you can’t appreciate what you have without experiencing the good and the bad. When we are taking the hard way we are learning and when we are learning we are growing. And when you have a relationship without hardships and stress then the relationship will have no growth. I have seen a relationship like this in a show I watch called New Girl. In the show there is a character who is extremely lazy and doesn't like to do anything. This character finds a girl who is exactly like himself and they start dating. But in their relationship all they do is sleep and watch tv, their relationship ends up ending fast because they didn’t experience any stress or hardship so they didn’t grow together. 

So now that I know that stress is a good thing, the thing that we have to change is our attitude about the stress. When we change our attitude about the stress then we can change the result from the stress. For example, my teacher told us an example of watching zombie movies. When I watch zombie movies, I get very anxious and stressed, and even days after watching the movie when I am alone I am afraid that I am going to be attacked by zombies. What I learned this week is that when we entertain unreal thoughts and possibilities in my head my brain perceives them as real. What I learned this week is telling your brain truth. For example I could say I am safe and that zombies are not real. When I tell myself this then my brain will accept these and won’t be stressed by these irrational thoughts. If we can change our perception we can have control. 

So how can we apply this into family life? In life we are going to experience many hardships, it is just a part of life. Heavenly Father places trials in our life so we can learn and grow from them. We first have to realize that stressful situations will come, when we know this we can prepare for them. One stress that affects everyone is death. Sometimes it’s the loss of a grandparent, parent, friend, extended family, or child. This week I learned about the ABCX model. A is the actual event, B is both resources and responses, C is cognitions and X is total experiences. In the case of death the A would be losing a loved one. B is resources and the resources you have are extended family, finances, family structure, coping mechanisms, religion, communities, and friends. It’s not just having the resources, it’s about how we use and apply our resources. The next part is C which is cognition meaning our thoughts and the way we define the event. When you lose a loved one you can either think of it as the worst thing that could happen, or you could think of it as a hard experience but a way that our family can grow and become closer together. When you add A, B and C you get X which is your total experience. The actual event, our responses, how we use our resources, and our thoughts all make up our total experience. Our total experience can either be positive or negative; it all depends on how we perceive it. We are going to experience stressors in all parts of our life but we can change our attitude and perceptions and be prepared for when the stressful events do come.