Dating

     Our world is so different from the world even our parents lived in. One aspect that is different is dating. My parents' version of dating is a lot different than ours. Dating was encouraged way more back then than it is now. My dad would and my teacher told me that they went on dates all the time with different women. This doesn’t mean they kissed all these women but it means that the date was planned, paid for, and that the couples were paired off. This is called assortive dating. This is replaced in our time with hanging out. Now, many young people just get a group of friends together and hang out. In our generation, it is also frowned upon to date multiple people because you are seen as a player. The world wants you to be committed to one person at all times, and this is also what the church believes but only when you are married. The church encourages assortive dating so that men and women can see what characteristics they like in different people. 

This week I learned about the Know Quo. The Know Quo is the formula for a good date. In the formula it has togetherness (shared activities), talk (mutual self disclosure), and time. Togetherness is important because when you do a shared activity you get to learn something from the person you are dating and you get to learn a new skill. Talking is important because you can’t get to know someone without talking to them. My fiancé went on a date with this girl and apparently the girl didn’t speak English and was using google translate while they were texting. The date did not go very well because my fiancé couldn’t communicate and get to know the girl. Mutual self disclosure is important as well because one person can’t be dominating the conversation because then you might not get to know someone very well if you’re the only one talking. Time is also very important. This week I learned that it takes more than 3 months to actually start to get to know someone. 

    Another thing I learned this week is the RAM model. In this model it has different components. The different components are know, trust, rely, connect, and touch. On each of these components is a slider that goes up and down. The purpose of the model is that the components are in a sequence. Know is first and that slider should be at the highest, then it goes down in order to trust which is second, third is rely, fourth is commit, and touch is the last. This means that you should know somebody before you can trust them. When these sliders go out of order then it can affect the relationship. For example, if couples become really intimate and physical early on in the relationship then the touch dominates the relationship. You end up not really even knowing them but the touch makes you think you do. When touch defines the relationship, people start to settle. For example, people will say I may not know him very well, but he makes me feel really good in this other way so I will look past those other problems. 

    Luckily when I dated my fiancé we actually went on dates and we still do. One of my most favorite dates we went on was our third date. We ate chick-fil-a, did a glow in the dark paint splatter activity, watched fireworks and then later that night we went to a park and watched the stars and we actually saw a shooting star. My fiancé and I are still trying to plan and go on dates weekly because even though we are engaged doesn’t mean I know everything about him. Every time we go on a date, I get to learn something new about him. That is why I think dating is so important, even though the world doesn't view it like that.

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