Sexual Intimacy

 This week I have been learning a lot about sexual intimacy, and learning about the health and unhealthy ways of marital sexual intimacy. This week I was able to read an article called Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality in Marriage. In this article Laura Brotherson talks about characteristics of healthy and unhealthy sexuality. 

Some characteristics to healthy sexuality are accepting, embracing and comfortable with one's body parts. In order to share your body with someone else, you have to love yourself first. The unhealthy characteristic that goes with the first one is being ashamed, uncomfortable, and critical of your body or the other person's body. Many women and men feel pressured to change features about themselves because of their partner. That is not how God created us. He created us to love our bodies and to share them with each other. Another healthy characteristic talked about is affection for it’s own sake instead of affection as a precursor for sex. In the article it shows the example of women who stop touching their husbands all together because every time they did it would lead to sex. So they stopped holding hands and cuddling. Because they stopped this, the couple lost this affectionate aspect to their marriage. 

I learned that it is better for couples to discuss their fears and anxiety about intimacy. After talking to my fiancé and class, men are just as scared and nervous to have sex as women are. The best thing to do is to take it slow. You don’t have to rush into anything, but instead it’s better to be patient, careful, and cautious and to discuss together how you are feeling. My teacher talked about this couple who decided to take it slow on their honeymoon, when the couple came back they found that their honeymoon experience was super different than their married friends. Their married friends said that they hated their honeymoon because it was so rushed and uncomfortable. The couple who took it slow was even more thankful that they decided to be cautious and not rush into it. 

After reading these characteristics and learning about intimacy this week, I was curious so I asked my mom about her and my dads sexual health. My parents have not been the ideal marriage, they struggle with communicating. And because of that many aspects of their marriage has struggled. One of those aspects being their intimacy. From seeing the effects of bad communication, it has made me want to find someone who is really good at communicating. My fiancé and I are really good at communicating, and it brings me peace because I don’t want a marriage like my parents. My fiancé told me of another experience where the couple who had just been married wanted to beat their friends in how many times they could have sex. So the honeymoon wasn’t even intimate and about them personally. It was about trying to beat a record. In our church, sex before marriage is a serious sin. So growing up I was taught sex is bad, until you are married. Now that I am getting married soon it is like a weird shift because right now sex is still bad, but in a couple months it will be good. That is why it is important to go slow because there is this big shift between what was wrong before but what is right now.

This week I learned a lot about intimacy in marriage, and I am so thankful because in a couple months, I will experience this. And I am grateful I have the knowledge that we don’t have to rush into anything but that we can take our time. And after having a good conversation with my fiancé he feels the same. He told me, we have the rest of our lives for that, we don’t have to rush into anything.