Parenting

 This week I learned a lot of information about parenting. The purpose of parenting  is to protect and to provide, and prepare children to live in the world. This week I learned that every child and teen has needs, and when these needs aren’t being met this is when kids start to act out. Then I learned ways parents can help get those needs met for their child. I really liked this parenting format: child's needs not being met → to child’s misguided behavior → parents' response.

The first need that every child/ teen has is contact / belonging. This week I learned that when kids are not coddled and loved the child actually doesn’t develop right. This brings me so much comfort because growing up my sister in law would tell my mom that their child was being too loved and coddled. I became so worried because I loved cuddling my nephews and I was worried I was loving them “too much”. But there is no such thing as loving them too much. Kids need to have that love. So because kids aren’t getting their contact needs being met they have undue attention seeking. This is when kids become very obnoxious and crazy because they are seeking attention, even negative attention. And when kids grow up and become teens and there contact needs are still not being met this is when teens have sexual relations with anyone. Kids and teens are just searching for attention and love, and they end up looking for this in bad places. So what parents need to do is offer contact freely. Parents need to check in with each kid regularly everyday. They need to give their kids a hug and ask them how they are doing. This is especially true when you add more kids to the family, you have to be sure that you are giving equal attention to each kid. Another important aspect of this is that you don’t want to just give kids attention when they are being obnoxious and acting out because then it rewards the bad behavior. And kids will start to pick up that when I act out then I get attention from my parents. Kids will behave better when we give them attention and contact freely. 


Going along with the need for contact, kids also need to feel that they belong. All of us want to feel that we belong, that we are important and needed somewhere. This sense of belonging happens when you feel you contribute. Parents need to teach kids how to contribute. When we teach our kids how to clean their rooms or do the dishes then they feel they are a part of the family. I was talking to my fiance about this and talking about our future and what our home is going to look like gets me so so excited. I can’t wait until we have a little kid that helps us cook dinner and do dishes. 


Another need that every child has is the need for power. When kids don’t get that power then they can manipulate people and rebel. To fix this parents need to give their children choices. The choices must be situation appropriate and age appropriate, and kids need to have consequences. We want children as much as possible to learn from the natural consequences of their choices and decisions. But there are 3 exceptions to this. We do not want kids to learn from their own consequences when 1) the natural consequences are too dangerous 2) when the lesson is too far in the future to be helpful and 3) if the natural consequence hurts someone else. 


These are just a couple of the many needs children and teens have. As parents we need to be aware of our kids and their needs and help them when they need our help.


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